Finally!

Well, I finally managed to get my background, and images, and colours figured out.  Just short blog tonight, I'm testing ScribeFire to see if it works.

And on that note, some music since there's a handy youtube button in this thing...

Ozzy Osbourne-Dreamer

Samhain, Tradition, and Heritage

Topic: The Title says it all
Location: In my big comfy chair
Mood: Speculative
Listening To: Amazing Grace - On Bagpipes!
Word of the Day: Kerfuffle

Kerfuffle is right.  You know those days you wake up, and life starts making it's ugly presence known before you've had your first cup of coffee?  It was one of those mornings. *laugh*

It's the most wonderful time of the year.  At least if you're me.  Samhain is my favourite holiday, and it's just over a month away.  This years theme is turning out to be revisiting the past, and self rediscovery.  I know I keep saying that, but I need to keep saying it so it sticks in my head.
I have unresolved family issues...at least I'm discovering that I do.  I thought I had let all the repressed memories back out, but I can't listen to bagpipes, look at tartan...or butterfinger candy bars for that matter without them stirring huge memories.

*blink* I just went from bagpipes to Brooks and Dunn. *snort*  Apollo is having fun tormenting me this morning.  You know what I love/hate about my path?  I'm close to my Gods...sometimes too close for comfort.  There have been so many times over the past week that have confirmed I'm moving in the right direction...and that the path still isn't any easier, but I am not walking it alone. 

My grandma and I used to freeze butterfingers in the summer when I'd come and visit, and being in Canada, you can't always find them.  I found them today, which means she's thinking about me.  I wasn't there when she died, I left Chicago in a snit, and didn't look back for 11 years.  
That's just one of the triggers today, there were a lot more, and I'd bore you if I wrote about them all.

Samhain, Tradition and Heritage.  Those 3 go together very well this time of year.
Every year before I Samhain, I try to redo my altar.  Sometimes I succeed on time, sometimes not.  This year, I got a headstart on it.  I'm cleansing my whole living space.  Last week we picked up little Samhain Trees.  I decorated mine, and placed it in the centre of my altar.  I know, I know...who decorates their altar with things like that?  I do.  Because it has meaning to me.  It speaks of the fun times I had as a kid.  It speaks of the connection I'm building with my ancestors.  It speaks of longevity and the wisdom of the ancients because it's a tree.
I also found a snowglobe shaped like an egg with a skeleton in it. 
A. It's egg shaped
B. It's a snow globe
C. It's got a skeleton in it, and it's cool.

I started collecting eggs about 10 years ago.  Mostly stone with fossil's in them, cut, shaped, and polished.  Then it expanded to things like quartz, amethyst, etc, again shaped like an egg.  They're great for storing energy, and focussing my work.  You go with what works right?
My magic has always been more intuitive than ritualistic.  Not that I can't participate in ritual, but I'm always more comfortable with going with the flow, and channelling the needs/desires.

Back to the altar.  Having my little gift of being able to walk on both sides of the veil, skulls have symbolism for me.  One of my friends one year gave me a cool pewter Celtic skull, and that started that collection.  I picked up a skull ashtray the other day to use as an offering dish, and just yesterday found 3 candle holders that are skulls down to mimick the hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil thing.  Very cool.

Since I've always been about the balance, I celebrate both life and death with my altar.  And have everything from eastern symbolism to Egyptian and Celtic.  And my wolves.

I've given some more thought to what I want to write about on here.  I think in the spirit of unity, I'll post on holidays...not just Pagan ones but all religions...or at least as many as I know about.  I've also thought about maybe things I've learned over the years.  Techniques etc.  So far it's been pretty random.  Mind you, I'm only 5 blogs in, and still cutting my teeth on the whole thing.  I had a private blog years ago to just get things out. This one is definitely more public, so brand new again.  I'm a very private person by nature, and there are many things that will remain private, but in the spirit of my newly refound mentality, some things need to be changed.

I'm putting this disclaimer in here.  I'm not looking to take on students, but if my writings can help someone, cool.  I will say, if I put anything in here, that you feel the need to repost elsewhere, then just give credit where credit is due. 

And on that note...

Meditation on the past

I usually put on music that relaxes me. 
Location isn't crucial, but you should be somewhere you won't be disturbed, and someplace comfortable.  I'm most grounded in my bedroom, and that's where my altar is.
It's your choice whether you're lying down or sitting. 
I'll light a candle and draw my circle, thinking about what I'm trying to accomplish. (even though I titled this for working with the past, this first part works well for me in any mediation)
Once in your position of choice...(get your minds out of the gutter) take calming breaths.  Sometimes it takes more than others, you should know what relaxed feels like for you.  In this, I find that I accomplish 2 things.  I regulate my heartrate, and I exhale the negative energy.
Once I'm relaxed, I like to visualize a path, and depending on how much I've got on my mind, the path is either very long, or very short.  It always ends at the same place.  A bridge over a stream, and then off into the woods.
Once I get to the middle of the bridge, I look over the railing, focus on my reflection, and let all the negative things that came to the surface on the walk fall into the water to be swept away.  This leaves me with only thoughts of my purpose remaining.  I then walk through the woods and think on the purpose.  In this case, we're mediating on the past.  My latest one dealt with my father, and the non relationship we had. 
Not that we didn't have a relationship, it's just that neither of us made it healthy for the other one.  All I had seen for years was my side of the equation.  And 99 times out of 100, I'd only see the negative when I looked back.  He died when I was 15, and really, just never had enough time to figure each other out.  Sad to say, I have a better relationship with him now than I did then.

My next trip into the past will be more personal, and more looking into the mirror.
The above mediation works for me, and it's modified from different things I've seen/read over the years.  The most important thing with meditation, is find what works for you.  I like the symbolism of the bridge, as it gives a focal point for dumping the negative.  I use a forest to walk through as that's what's more comfortable for me.  You might visualize a beach, or the top of a skyscraper.  Meditation is a personal thing, and no one can tell you exactly how to do it.

And I think that's it for this installment.

Happy Monday everyone!

Let's see if this took...

Topic:Testing Changes
Location:
Mood:Aprehensive
Listening To:Live
Word of the Day:

Testing the change to the template that I made.  CSS you are my friend...I hope.  Click on Publish...now!

Saw this on Another Blog...

Topic: The Finally Solved Mystery
Location: Eating Lunch
Mood: Amused and Chuckling
Listening To: Hedley
Word of the Day: Archaeology

This gave me the biggest chuckle ever.  I was randomly hitting blogs, and came across this article through another blog. http://archaeopagans.blogspot.com/2009/09/not-so-far-from-truth.html

Stonehenge, which has had folks scratching their heads for a very long time, has been determined to have been an old meeting place, and "shopping centre"  As well, the Druids, once thought to be the Law Givers, Leader of Religion, Teachers, Physicians etc. were discovered to have been nothing more than a Pharmacy chain.  Check the article out at http://www.newsbiscuit.com/2009/09/24/mystery-of-stonehenge-solved-following-discovery-of-5000-year-old-planning-application/

Phew!  I'm glad that's over...

Disclaimer/Credit: The above image was borrowed from http://perso.univ-lyon2.fr/~goethals/civilisation/civ1_menu.html It will be removed if so requested.

Been a few days

Topic: Genealogy?
Randomness of the Day: None as yet
Location: Blogging
Mood: Yup
Listening To: Alannah Myles: Black Velvet

Itunes is finally working again!  I go a little batty without music to work to.
Ok, so, Genealogy.  I've got broken family links on the site.  My great grandmother has 3 sets of parents...that doesn't work now does it?  I've also been promising Jenn for a week that I'd help out with the Keffers.  We're not sure exactly what's going on there, but it needs work.
I'm working on blog templates...have been for days.  The biggest problem is CSS it's a new language for me, and while it seems easier at first...making it play nice with HTML is my issue.  I need to let the old ways go...let them go Jake...let them go.

Ok, good...they're gone. :)  And it's not like I'm not happy with the templates that Blogger supplies, I just want to do different, Ya know?

And I'm really just about to go into babble mode, so I'm going to end this blog, and go work.

Hope you're all enjoying your Friday.

2 days in a row!

Topic: More ramblings
Location: Home
Mood: Better
Listening To: Nothing because Itunes keeps killing my computer. :(
Word of the Day: Pomegranate

Ok, word of the day first.  Why Pomegranate?  I'd like to know the same thing. LOL  I just decided to go with the first word that popped into my mind.  Do I have a little Persephone issue going on?  I guess it would make sense since for the past 1/2 year, I've been hiding in a dark realm.  Ok, so she doesn't hide, and I'm a little reversed, so maybe Persephone wasn't the best analogy...let's just go with...it's completely random.  LOL

I've asked some friends what they feel what is missing from the community at large, as I'm still trying to figure out what to write about.  Really, I could just randomly put down every thought that comes into my twisted little mind...but I don't think that would appeal to everyone.  Do I care about what everyone thinks?  No...but it should still be an interesting read don't you think?  And if I just went with randomness we'd end up with more posts about Pomegranates.  :)

I've been wandering around various blogs for inspiration.  I don't want to copy anyone, I'm trust trying to re-acclimate myself with the world at large.

I was thinking about Spirituality today, and it got my brain thinking about whether there's a difference between Spirituality and Religion.  This is what my brain came up with. (what, you don't have internal conversations?)
Religion is the structure, Spirituality is the faith.  Does that make sense?  Can you have one without the other? Are they part and parcel to the whole package?  What exactly did that mean to my brain when the thought materialized?
Well...you have many different Religious Beliefs, various religions around the world.   Spirituality is how you react to your particular belief structure.  I like to believe I'm a very spiritual person...albeit a mostly solitary one lately...but spiritual.  I have big faith in my Gods, even when I'm feeling like they aren't listening.  The core is still there.  I'm also not given to 100% blind faith.  I don't believe that just because I believe in my Gods, and walk my path, they're going to hold my hand my entire life, and I can do whatever because they'll intervene on my behalf.

Paganism is a huge Religion "umbrella"  That's not necessarily a bad thing.  It's alot easier to say I'm Pagan, than to explain everything I believe.  But just like Presbyterians are Christian, not all Christians are Presbyterian, it's the same with Paganism.  We have Witches, Wiccans (yes, I do seperate the 2 because there is a difference), Celtic, Native North American Shamans, Greco/Roman, Egyptian, Norse etc.  We're all Pagans, but we're all different.  That's where spirituality comes in...for me at least.  My spiritualism is who I am, as a part of my Religious Beliefs.  I used the term Eclectic for a very long time.  It was a lot easier than saying, Hi, I'm a Celtic Witch, with Shamanic and Nordic/Greek/Egyptian tendencies.   But then Eclectic got to be the "cool" thing to say, and while my beliefs remain eclectic in nature, I wanted to seperate myself from the 12 day Pagans, who were just signing up because it was the in thing in school.
There was...maybe still is a boom of fluffy bunny, cliques.  When I was first walking my path, there wasn't an internet, the local bookstore had a smattering of books, it really was a matter of intuition, listening to your soul, and letting the wind guide you.
Over the years, I have met many wonderful people, and have learned a lot from each of them.  When I finally caved, and got an internet provider, it was a whole new world.
I started New Avalon, we gathered some members, who had other connections and we intermingled. At one point, we were up to I think about 300 members.  And then someone didn't agree with someone else, and the group erupted in chaos.
Why is that?  You'd think as Pagans, we'd be more open minded, and less prone to bickering.  As I said above, we're diverse in our beliefs, Paganism is an umbrella.  That diversity tends to be a downfall more than an asset sometimes, but that still doesn't make it a bad thing..  Even from what I wrote above, I have my issues of who I like. I didn't when I first started walking my path, and I'm working hard to bring those walls down again.  The despair at finding everywhere I went in the Pagan world was clouded by division, and those 12 day Pagans running around quoting Cunningham and Crowley got to be too much.  I've probably missed out on a lot of really great friendships because I started classifying every newcomer as a Fluffy Bunny or a poser.
So, I closed my list down to new additions.  I have my core group there, but am no longer accepting new members.  In the future,  a new version of New Avalon, which years ago changed to Raising Avalon, will reopen.  We still own the domain, and plan to keep it.
It wasn't until last year that I started going through my most recent faith crisis, and maybe it was a mini early mid life crisis who knows.  But I started separating religion and life.  I was no longer incorporating my faith with my day to day activities.  When I came out as a Pagan those many years ago, I was proud, I never hid who I was, or what I believed.  Some of my fondest memories are of debates with members of other Religions.  I didn't hide.  Last year, that started to change.  I had 2 incidences with close friends within a month.  Both were on a message board, both were out in the open.  I started to pull away.
We've had some family tragedy in the last year...pull away some more.  Work became a nightmare...that's it...I'm done, game over, shell time.
But today I was thinking, what if, in being in this shell, I'm actually doing more damage than good?  Is me having 2 distinct aspects of life really what's causing all this turmoil?  I've had bad bouts of luck, but nothing like this.  So did me putting my Spiritual self in a cave, only to be let out on Sabbat's, start this downward spiral?  Maybe.

So, here I sit and stew, and write.
If people are actually reading this, and you got this far, thanks for listening.

The Start of another blog.

So, Capt Jake is my genealogical pseudonym...Emrys has been around a lot longer.  Emrys' Den was originally part of my Web Page, for rants, joys, news, etc.  He'll still be a part of Raising Avalon when we've decided what we're doing with it.

Raising Avalon, began as New Avalon in 1996.  I had a dream where folks of various religions and demoninations could find a common ground.  In my journey of life, I have seen so much discrimination, based on who you are, what you look like, what God you worship, what you eat, what you don't eat.  It's hard not to turn sour in the face of so much hate.  I even find it in literature.  Why is God capitalized, but gods, and goddesses aren't?  And that's the least of it.  I've always had a belief that if you live a good life, and have faith, what does it matter the deity you're referring to?  I've been walking my path since the mid 80's.  I came out as a Pagan in 1991, I lost some friends over it, but I didn't give up.  I made new friends.  I tried so hard to remain tolerant of everyone, and be open minded, but have hit so many road blocks based on who I am, and what I believe that it became difficult.  I found myself slipping into that trap of becoming intolerant.  So I went solitary.  I stopped hanging around the Pagan community, stopped communicating with my online community.  Faith and Magic became once more something I practiced in private, at my own altar or with my family.
So...why am I writing about it now?  This is me working towards being more open again.  The blogs may change in content from day to day...there may be days without blog posts.  Spirituality will play a heavy part of it I'm sure.  But not just mine.  The reason I was so capable of having an open mind in the first place, was because I looked into other religions and paths.  I don't claim to be a scholar by any stretch but I know enough of other cultures and belief systems, that I can make an educated choice towards mine.  What I ask, is that you open your own minds.  If you are a person who looks down their nose at something because it's different, try to look at it from another point of view.  Put the "hater-ade" (get it...gatorade for haters?) away. If you feel the need to continue to be a hater, I wish you no ill, and hope you have a great life, but don't let the "door" hit your ass on the way out.  In other words, leave now.

About the Graphic at the top, since I've been asked, and because folks that don't know may wonder what it all means...I'll explain.

The 3 phases of the moon, represent the Triple Goddess.  Yes, I worship the Goddess...as well as the God. In the triple moon, she is shown in her 3 aspects, l. to r.; the Maiden, Mother, and Crone respectively...
The Wolf, Raven and Panther are 3 of my strongest Totems.  Animals that I feel a special affinity to.  Panther came first when I was very young, he introduced himself to me in a dream.  Panther represents that hidden side of myself, mysterious, easily made invisible.
Wolf came later at a moment of turmoil.  He showed me the security you can find in your "pack" stability, security, nurturing of a family.
Raven, a trickster, that side of me that enjoys a good joke, and shiny objects.  Raven also is a symbol of knowledge, longevity, and dreams.  He speaks to me in both the physical and the astral, a messenger that moves between both worlds.
The stars?  They're just cool.  :)

And on that note...I'm outta here, hope you enjoyed the first of hopefully many posts...

Thinking...thinking...thinking...

Topic: CSS and Life Choices
Randomness of the Day: Rush
Location: Inside my own mind
Mood: Contemplative
Listening To: Dancing Surf by Oliver Schroer and Dan Gibson

I've decided it's time I learned something other than HTML.  I'm not happy with the template I'm using.  I'm happy with the colour scheme, and for the most part with the Title Image...but it needs to be more.  It needs to be me.  And I'd make my own template up right now, except for one little thing...I haven't learned CSS yet.  But that's going to change.

Woke up this morning wondering what I'm doing with my life.  Not usually the best way to start a day, but I'm going to carry that tangent forward, and give it some thought.  It began with...what makes me happy.  Well, Genealogy makes me happy, but can you really make a living at it?  Hmmmm...ok, what else?  Well, my family makes me happy, but I can't really make any money off of them.  LOL  Photography, now that makes me ridiculously happy, but I don't have the equipment, but the equipment is something that I can work towards...ok, there's a thought to grab onto.
The supernatural also makes me happy.  But unless you've got your own show, and a big network picks you up, can you really make a living at that?  Barely.  But again, something to think about.

I turned 37 years old last week.  And while I feel I'm successful at what I do, it's getting to the point where it's not enough.  I still dream of owning my own restaurant, but that is way out of my league right now.  Photography would be a lot closer...at least it would in my head.

I also need to get back into my family research.  I've been a little lax in it.  I had the thought this morning that I need to start hitting the message boards of various sites, and see if I can make some connections.

That's it for now,

Jake

Ireland's in King

Topic: Graveyard visit with Mrs. Ireland and her Family
Randomness of the Day: Griselda
Location: Home
Mood: Bizarre
Music: Itunes is broken, so no music :(

No Greiselda is not Mrs. Ireland's first name, it's just randomness.

So, at the beginning of August, we went to do some genealogy research at the King City Cemetary. Jenn-ni-fur's got huge family down in the area above Toronto. So we're snapping shots of stones. I figure I'd post mine to Find-a-Grave, since all my family is out of province/country. I took the top section of the cemetary, as they searched for family. No big deal. No, you'll see from my last post, I've got a gift when it comes to the dead...again...your choice if you choose to believe...Anyways, I finish the area I start in, and see a really cool stone. I wander over to it, and find it's the grave of one Wilfred Ireland son of Frances and Alfred. Cool!

(Just realized I have no idea how to insert an image here...into the html editor I go)

Snapped a couple of shots of this one. So out of the blue, in my head, I hear. "Oh, hello dear, what are you doing?" In a nice sweet older lady kind of manner. So I respond, I'm taking photos to put online so people don't forget who's here?
"Oh that's nice dear...whatever that means." All I could do was laugh. Then I had the realization, the internet didnt' exist when she was alive. Instead of trying to explain the internet to her, I explained find a grave, as a cemetary of sorts, where people can take pictures of headstones, and put them in a sort of album, so that if the stone ever wears down, or gets broken, there is still a record. I explained that we are doing this, so that future generations if they are interested, can find ancestors, even if they aren't anywhere near to where the ancestors are. That seemed to satisfy her. At that point, I noticed others around as well, just sort of following and listening.

I made my way through the area around the Ireland plots, and came across the Crossley's. And while none of them spoke to me, it was a creepy sort of energy around the monument. and when I walked around it, I found part of it broken.

Which, honestly, if my monument had been desecrated like this...I would have been putting out creepy energy too.
I continued my little tour taking pictures, when out of the blue, I heard the voice again. "Oh dear, they're getting into the vehicle, you should go now, so you don't get left behind."
Me being me I'm like...yeah right...but me also being me, I decided to listen. LOL
Sure enough, everyone else was in the van and pulling away. I knew they were just looking for me, and tried to flag them down, but no luck. So I met them back by the Ireland's stone. It was a very entertaining afternoon all in all. And I promised I'd go back to see the Ireland's someday.

And thus ends another post from Capt. Jake.

Another Blog Post

Topic: Skeletons in the Closet
Randomness of the Day: Cactus Needles
Location: Home
Mood: Uh-Huh
Music: Saidah Baba Talibah (S)cream

So why are Cactus Needles the randomness of the day? Because I have a huge headache, and the pain is coming through my eyes.

Skeletons in the Closet? Jenn had a huge breathrough with the McKenna's, and got to meet a cousin from Georgia yesterday. I personally have hit the proverbial brick wall in my research.

Halloween is fast approaching, the time for ghouls and ghosties to make their rounds. In honour of this, let me share a ghost story with you.

We have a spirit in our home. Let's call him George, tomorrow he may be Fred, or John, or Jack. As his death was in the papers, I'm not going to give his actual name to protect the parties involved.

Prior to us moving to Barrie, George was killed in an accident at work. The previous owner of our home was one of his bosses. Now...I've had some bosses that I'd really like to make miserable before, but I don't know that I would remain after death, just so I could make their lives miserable.
Within the first week of us being here, George made his presence known. It was as much of a shock to him, as it was to us, that the previous owners had left obviously, because he made his displeasure aparent by playing little pranks.

Ghosts don't bother me, what bothers me, is when you mess with my family. So...we'd be hearing things, seeing things out of the corner of our eyes. (None of us do drugs, drink, or are prone to spontaneous hallucinations) He crossed the line when he started freaking out the kids and Jenn. We tried to move him on, get him crossed over, but he just wouldn't leave. So, we did the next best thing, bound him to the basement of the house. Which happens to be where I live. LOL
George keeps me company, in a "I'm angry and want to stir things up constantly" kind of way. He's not allowed into the area where I sleep, but I've seen him standing just at the edge of the boundry. He tries to freak me out by chasing me up the stairs.
I understand his anger, and why he's doing it. I just don't give him power by ackowledging his antics. He has a sister that he needs to go see, but he's so clouded with anger, that he just can't/won't leave our house. George moves stuff around in the middle of the night, trying to get attention. Bailey used to sleep downstairs with me, but didn't get along with George, so when we got Maud, and he needed to play litter mate to her, I'm sure he was relieved.
I don't want to just all out exorcise him from the house, and he's calmed down a bit since we threatened him with it. He has phases where he's more active than others. Right now, he's in one of those phases, and was actually able to surprise me the other night. I have a habit of walking down the stairs to the basement without the light on. The lightswitch is at the top of the stairs, and to save myself the need to walk up the stairs after I've turned the light on downstairs, I just go blind. Well, the other night, I get to the bottom, and I feel a blast of cold, and there's George, standing right at the bottom of the stairs, looking angry.
I usually try to say something comforting most nights, that night, I flipped him the bird and went to bed. LOL

You can believe in George, or not, your choice. Me personally? I've seen to much to discount things. It's one of my gifts. "I see dead people" to quote the movie The Sixth Sense.

And that's it for now. The headache is clearing a bit, so I'm going to go delve into some Genealogy work, and start uploading photos for this week's theme on Flickr.

Ciao

Jake

Hmmm...a Blog

I've tried this before...I was doing good on my Deviant Art journal, but haven't touched that in a week.
You know when you really want to do something...but then you get distracted and do something else? LOL That's my gift.

Tonight, the tale is...that I really want to commit to blogging. So I'm going to wrack my brain, and think of some tales I can share. I think originally this was going to be a blog about ghost stories I collect. Now I think it's just going to be randomness.

And so being...that is the end of my randomness.