Identity

Mood: Puzzled
Listening To: The Furnace
Word of the Day: Shuffle

I think maybe I'm struggling with my identity again.  No clue what that's about.  Raising Avalon, the concept of it, the desire to build it, used be a huge driving force in my life.  My beliefs were/are/? a huge part of my daily life.  I have my daily rituals that I perform, but I'm not out there in the community in any sense.  And I haven't been for many years.  But is that a problem?  I guess that's what I'm struggling with.  The concept of this blog, the old website and message board were about community. 

I chose to back out of the community at large, because I was disgruntled with I saw.  But am I a hypocrite?  My dream was creating a peaceful, coherent place where one could go, forget the rest of the world and be with like minded individuals if only for a few hours, a few days or a few weeks. I found that the community at large doesn't get along, it's full of back biting, infighting etc.  So I walked away.  Right now, I don't have the energy or the resources to put towards it. 

The dream is still there.  The coals in the pit are still glowing.  I'll keep them nourished in hopes that in the future I can throw another log on the fire.  For now, I really need to decide who I am, and what I can give.  I still want to keep this blog open, and get it active.  I just need to figure it out.

Awakening

It is one of those mornings when you can just feel the land starting to wake up. The spirit of the earth is starting to stir, and it brings hope that winter is finally ending. May the day bring you many blessings and joy.

Apocalyptica - I Don't Care

It's been awhile.

Mood:Feel Like Updating
Listening To: Apocalyptica - I Don't Care feat. Adam Gontier
Word of the Day: Platyperson

Yup, that's right I wrote the word Platyperson.  Saw it in a post on Cracked.com . It was a blow pepsi out of my nose moment.  True Story.

Anywho...
I had the realization recently, that's it 2014.  I know that that's not something that should be obvious, and it shouldn't be a surprise to anyone, but it kind of was to me.  Where have the last 4 years gone?  Hell where have the last 7 gone?
I'm coming to accept the fact that the last 4 years have just been mostly spent being morose, depressed, generally unhappy.  And I let myself get into that state.  Sure my mom died, and that's a really big thing, but would she have wanted me being depressed for this long?  Hell no.
I've made changes, some good, some bad.
I left a company that I had a 7 year history with in 2012.  It was a great company, one of the best I've ever had the pleasure of working for.  However I let a couple of people in the organization get to me, let them take my power, let them take control.  I hit a low point, a very low point.  So, in March of 2012 I made a change.  I gave my notice, and took a job in an industry I knew nothing about.  Sometimes, when you take a jump of faith, and just do something, it can work out really really well.  This jump?  I landed full out on the bottom of the canyon floor with my face bashed into the stone, flattened and drained of life.

So, in August of 2013, I found myself once again, looking for a new place of employment.  It was dire straits again, but I tried to keep myself more positive in my outlook.  One day while out doing the job hunt thing, I passed a sign, not just any sign, but one that I'd passed at least 600 times.
The sign was for Bose, the company I left in 2012.  The sign was in the window of a little independent electronics dealer here in town.  I walked in, introduced myself, and landed an interview for the following week.
7 months later, I'm still there, I'm still happy.  My employer doesn't treat me as just a number.  I'm not belittled at work.  If I make a mistake, it's corrected and learned from.  Is there stress?  Of course, it's a job, but it's manageable. 

I'm hoping to truly keep more up to date on my blogging.  It's been way too long, and I haven't seemed to be able to stick to it for more than one or two entries a year. 

Mmmmmm Bread

Mood: Inspired
Listening To: Rascall Flatts - I Melt
Word of the Day: Bread!

So, somehow, I was inspired to make bread. Once we had decided what dinner was going to be, I suddenly had a craving. Jenn whipped out a recipe, I modified it a bit, and Voila!
The recipe is below:

5 1/2 cups flour
3 Tablespoons Sugar
1 1/2 Teaspoons Salt
1 1/2 Tablespoons Yeast (used breadmaker yeast in a pinch)
1 1/2 Tablespoons Canola Oil
2 1/4 Cups Warm Water

Combine and Mix dry ingredients in mixing bowl. Add oil and water together and mix until combined and a good sticky dough consistency. Depending where you live, you may need more or less water. The dough should stick to your hands while you're mixing, but should still be able to peel off. I mixed this dough by hand for about 6 minutes. Might go faster if you have a mixer.

Separate the dough into 2 equal balls and knead. Place kneaded dough onto a greased baking sheet and form into loaf, or into a greased bread pan. Let rise in a draft free warm place for about 15-20 minutes. Bake at 350F for 23-25 minutes. Enjoy!

Home Made Chocolate Chip Lava Cookies

Chocolate Chip Lava Cookies | Kevin & Amanda - StumbleUpon

As the caption above the picture say, I stumbled upon this recipe. We got some of these from the store last week, and they were decent, but really, for the cost of making cookie dough...this is probably cheaper, and better. Definitely need to try these.

Ch-ch-ch-Changes

Mood: Transitiony
Listening To: Black Eyed Peas - The Time
Word of the Day: Transition

It's been an interesting week so far.  The 2nd anniversary of mom's death has come and gone, baby kitteh tried to kill me tonight, and I took more steps against the troll.  I had a good long discussion over lunch today, and empowered myself to stand up.  Rawr!
I'm tired of sitting and being the victim, so I stopped.  It was a bit of a frightening concept, but once I jumped out of the comfort zone, I felt so much better.  Layne was wiggling her nose and so was Marakesh.  Whatever comes of today's actions, I'm comfortable that I've done what I can do, and I've always done the best that I can offer.
I had an interview this week to get back into the restaurant industry.  We didn't discuss money, and the job is a few months off.  I'm going to continue looking at any and all options that present themselves.  I will strive to never again give someone else my power.  Times they are a'changin.

There was a bit of sadness this week, but it was the healthy kind.  I'm closer to zen than I've been in a very long time.  I'm still a moody son of a bitch, but that comes with being me.  However, I'm working on becoming a more manageable moody son of a bitch, and bring the old me back.

Just a short update tonight.  Good night bloggerverse!