Location: Home
Mood: Better
Listening To: Nothing because Itunes keeps killing my computer. :(
Word of the Day: Pomegranate
Ok, word of the day first. Why Pomegranate? I'd like to know the same thing. LOL I just decided to go with the first word that popped into my mind. Do I have a little Persephone issue going on? I guess it would make sense since for the past 1/2 year, I've been hiding in a dark realm. Ok, so she doesn't hide, and I'm a little reversed, so maybe Persephone wasn't the best analogy...let's just go with...it's completely random. LOL
I've asked some friends what they feel what is missing from the community at large, as I'm still trying to figure out what to write about. Really, I could just randomly put down every thought that comes into my twisted little mind...but I don't think that would appeal to everyone. Do I care about what everyone thinks? No...but it should still be an interesting read don't you think? And if I just went with randomness we'd end up with more posts about Pomegranates. :)
I've been wandering around various blogs for inspiration. I don't want to copy anyone, I'm trust trying to re-acclimate myself with the world at large.
I was thinking about Spirituality today, and it got my brain thinking about whether there's a difference between Spirituality and Religion. This is what my brain came up with. (what, you don't have internal conversations?)
Religion is the structure, Spirituality is the faith. Does that make sense? Can you have one without the other? Are they part and parcel to the whole package? What exactly did that mean to my brain when the thought materialized?
Well...you have many different Religious Beliefs, various religions around the world. Spirituality is how you react to your particular belief structure. I like to believe I'm a very spiritual person...albeit a mostly solitary one lately...but spiritual. I have big faith in my Gods, even when I'm feeling like they aren't listening. The core is still there. I'm also not given to 100% blind faith. I don't believe that just because I believe in my Gods, and walk my path, they're going to hold my hand my entire life, and I can do whatever because they'll intervene on my behalf.
Paganism is a huge Religion "umbrella" That's not necessarily a bad thing. It's alot easier to say I'm Pagan, than to explain everything I believe. But just like Presbyterians are Christian, not all Christians are Presbyterian, it's the same with Paganism. We have Witches, Wiccans (yes, I do seperate the 2 because there is a difference), Celtic, Native North American Shamans, Greco/Roman, Egyptian, Norse etc. We're all Pagans, but we're all different. That's where spirituality comes in...for me at least. My spiritualism is who I am, as a part of my Religious Beliefs. I used the term Eclectic for a very long time. It was a lot easier than saying, Hi, I'm a Celtic Witch, with Shamanic and Nordic/Greek/Egyptian tendencies. But then Eclectic got to be the "cool" thing to say, and while my beliefs remain eclectic in nature, I wanted to seperate myself from the 12 day Pagans, who were just signing up because it was the in thing in school.
There was...maybe still is a boom of fluffy bunny, cliques. When I was first walking my path, there wasn't an internet, the local bookstore had a smattering of books, it really was a matter of intuition, listening to your soul, and letting the wind guide you.
Over the years, I have met many wonderful people, and have learned a lot from each of them. When I finally caved, and got an internet provider, it was a whole new world.
I started New Avalon, we gathered some members, who had other connections and we intermingled. At one point, we were up to I think about 300 members. And then someone didn't agree with someone else, and the group erupted in chaos.
Why is that? You'd think as Pagans, we'd be more open minded, and less prone to bickering. As I said above, we're diverse in our beliefs, Paganism is an umbrella. That diversity tends to be a downfall more than an asset sometimes, but that still doesn't make it a bad thing.. Even from what I wrote above, I have my issues of who I like. I didn't when I first started walking my path, and I'm working hard to bring those walls down again. The despair at finding everywhere I went in the Pagan world was clouded by division, and those 12 day Pagans running around quoting Cunningham and Crowley got to be too much. I've probably missed out on a lot of really great friendships because I started classifying every newcomer as a Fluffy Bunny or a poser.
So, I closed my list down to new additions. I have my core group there, but am no longer accepting new members. In the future, a new version of New Avalon, which years ago changed to Raising Avalon, will reopen. We still own the domain, and plan to keep it.
It wasn't until last year that I started going through my most recent faith crisis, and maybe it was a mini early mid life crisis who knows. But I started separating religion and life. I was no longer incorporating my faith with my day to day activities. When I came out as a Pagan those many years ago, I was proud, I never hid who I was, or what I believed. Some of my fondest memories are of debates with members of other Religions. I didn't hide. Last year, that started to change. I had 2 incidences with close friends within a month. Both were on a message board, both were out in the open. I started to pull away.
We've had some family tragedy in the last year...pull away some more. Work became a nightmare...that's it...I'm done, game over, shell time.
But today I was thinking, what if, in being in this shell, I'm actually doing more damage than good? Is me having 2 distinct aspects of life really what's causing all this turmoil? I've had bad bouts of luck, but nothing like this. So did me putting my Spiritual self in a cave, only to be let out on Sabbat's, start this downward spiral? Maybe.
So, here I sit and stew, and write.
If people are actually reading this, and you got this far, thanks for listening.
